


you are my sun, i bloom for you

by lyse_hext



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Depressing Thoughts, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Heartbreak, Really depressing shit, Self-Discovery, altani is just suffering a lot, im so so sorry henry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-06 14:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19064341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyse_hext/pseuds/lyse_hext
Summary: When the clouds drift in front of the sun, let yourself fall, but do not let yourself shatter. Do not let yourself fall apart. Let yourself sob, let yourself cry, but do not let yourself fall into the pits of depression. Let your heart weep and open, but never let it close.Never let the fire in you die.AKA, Altani may break, but she will never be broken. Not when those around her fill her with a love far stronger and greater than any one person could possibly give.





	1. you are my ocean

**Author's Note:**

> I hate putting Altani through all this, but it'll be worth it. Stick around for chapter two, where Altani has a time of self discovery.

What was love, but a lie? Perpetuated by happy couples. Blissful in their delusion of the existence of such an emotion. Love, true love, love that was reciprocated could not truly exist in such a cruel and hateful world. Not in a world where people fall into unrequited love, and fall into despair. Not in a world where love is answered with pain. 

Not in a world where Altani felt her heart break daily. 

Not in a world where Altani fell for the woman she slept with casually. 

\--

She knew that she was a rebound from Minfilia; that Altani was sleeping with her for the fun of it, to soothe Nymphaea’s ever strong libido. They had spoken of it, they kept their lines of communication open. Altani and Nymphaea were just friends who happened to have sex with each other. Whenever either of them needed it. 

But each time, the hunger in Altani grew stronger. Her hunger was not for the taste of Nymphaea or the tremble of her thighs, but rather, something deeper within. A feeling in her chest, a desire for more. She found herself enjoying the moments after release more. She would find herself craving their sweaty bodies pressed together, the tender touches of slender fingers against her bare shoulder and trailing across her neck. The way those same magnificent fingers buried their way through her hair and soothed her to sleep. She found herself craving the soft purrs elicited by the Miqo’te as they drifted to sleep, or the way she wrapped the end of her tail around Altani’s scaly tail without realising. 

She craved the love Nymphaea gave to her more than the sex. More and more, she fell. Harder and harder, she fell. Until soon she was living and breathing for the woman, each minute was one minute closer to one that she would spend in Nymphaea’s arms, in her presence, listening to her soft giggles and sweet voice. Another minute wrapped in her love. 

She was smitten. The billions of stars in the sky couldn’t compare the galaxies in her eyes. Angels singing were nothing compared to the sound of her voice, so heavenly sweet, a sound Altani found herself craving for. After months of pining, of craving such sweetness, she wondered if what she felt was love. But there was no need for discussion. She was truly in love with Nymphaea, and that much her heart knew. 

Gentle, sweet Nymphaea. Loving, tender and nurturing Nymphaea. From the tips of her ears down each little toe, she was smitten for her, love for the woman coursing through her every vein. She’d bleed the blue and pink colour of her hair from a vein torn open, spilling the colour of the strands that brushed against her face and made her heart beat a tune just for her. She had believed love was a lie. She believed it was fake, a delusion, something that only happened in fairytales told by parents. She never believed in love until Nymphaea came into her life and showed her, all too strongly, that love was real. Love was powerful, intoxicating, overwhelming her every sense. 

Nymphaea gave her a reason to love, and fuelled the fire in her chest. The truth could not be told, not now. Not yet. Not so soon after Minfilia had left her, urged her to move on. She knew the girl had not yet moved on.

The first time after Altani’s realisation, it felt as if it were a dream. She was thrown onto the soft white sheets and Nymphaea made her feel as if she were the only woman to exist. She clung to the Miqo’te, who held her so tenderly and with so much warmth. Could such emotions, such feelings truly exist in the world? Each subsequent time afterwards felt just as powerful, just as fuelled by fire and love, by a passion thick in the air. Each time, Altani found herself loving her more and more until all that she was, was love for her. Her actions were determined by her, emotions determined by her, what she wore and ate and how she styled her hair. She was too fuelled by her emotions. Nymphaea would like that, she had thought. Had it occurred to her to tell the truth of her feelings towards Nymphaea, and the way that they were changing? What would come of her, and their relationship, if Nymphaea knew? The Miqo’te gave no indication to feeling the same back. Not unless Altani pried and thought hard, dissecting every interaction. 

She had exposed her heart to Nymphaea, taking her aside after a night shenanigan to lay her heart out for her. Lay herself bare for her, barer than any removal of clothing could do, for she exposed the deepest sense of her soul to the woman. And after carefully watching Altani speak, after holding onto her hands, clenching them in her fists tight, with tears welling in her eyes, Altani paused to allow Nymphaea to respond. 

“Can we be something more, more than simply friends who sleep together?” 

The answer came as a shuddering wave, crashing over her and drowning her in ice water. It crashed over her with such a force that all warmth she felt inside of her rushed out of her in a devastating tsunami. All that she was, all that she felt, crashed inside of her and out, and she felt all colour drain out of her. A world painted by colour faded into something harsher, more painful, cold and unforgiving. Black and white. 

“I’m sorry, Altani, but I don’t feel the same way.” Nymphaea cried softly, silently, plagued by guilt. A seed of poisonous regret for her actions spread throughout her and she cried harder. “I’m so, so sorry. I love you, Altani, but I don’t love you that way. I can’t. Not when my heart still belongs to another.” 

Black and white. Static. Her ears ringed with nothingness, her world slowly fading. Whatever she had become, she had become a shell of who she once was. Too filled by Nymphaea to feel. And touches that were once warm, comforting and craved felt foreign and cold against her skin, turned to ice, hardened with pain. 

She will never love again. Her fantasy, her false belief in the existence of such an impossible emotion was crushed. Obliterated into nothing. Love was a lie. Love was a scam. Love could not exist in a world such as this. 

\--

Altani didn’t know a pain like this could exist. Nymphaea’s touches always illuminated her soul, each touch like fireworks sparking from her fingertips and flowing through her veins. But the fire she felt was smothered by the sight of Nymphaea being held by another, sleeping with another, being touched by another. Any fireworks died along with her heart at the sight of the woman she loved seeking comfort from another.

After Altani told her the truth of her feelings, Nymphaea had suggested that, for the time being, they stop their shenanigans and stick to being just friends. Friends who will hug and do small, platonic gestures. But the kissing, the caressing, the sleeping together, all of it had to stop. Nymphaea asked if Altani would be hurt if she slept with other women. She wouldn’t get attached to them; she couldn’t, not when her heart still resided with Minfilia. And Altani should sleep with other women, explore and hopefully, find another outlet for the feelings she felt. 

It wasn’t that Nymphaea wanted to push Altani away. No, she could tell in the way she still held her close whenever they met, how her attitude never changed, her actions never changed. The only thing that stopped between them was the sex, and the romantic touches. Nymphaea had expressed her fear at losing Altani, and Altani had told her that she wouldn’t allow it to happen. Nymphaea had assured her of the same.

She couldn’t be resentful towards Minfilia, that was not fair to her. After all, she was before her time. It could not be helped that Nymphaea still loved Minfilia, they had been together for almost as long as Altani knew the Miqo’te. It was not her place to feel resentful. But she couldn't push away the negativity brewing within.

“I’m not good enough for Phae. I’m terrible.” Altani cried.

“Never.” Hymwolk spoke calmly, clinging to the sobbing Altani. She had come to his chambers in tears once again, divulging all of her sadness and self hatred. “Do not belittle yourself.” 

Altani simply cried harder. “But it’s true, is it not?”

"You are not terrible. You are kind funny and strong as hell, I couldn’t ask for a better student. Phae... well, Phae has been been through some things, but that is for her to work out. Not you my child.” Hymwolk spoke in a far softer tone, softer than thought to be possible from the Roegadyn man. He pulled Altani onto his lap, cradling her to his chest while she sobbed. 

Altani clung to the material of Hymwolk’s shirt, pulling her knees to her chest and curling up to him. She felt safe in such soft arms, pressed against his fleshy chest, curled up in an armchair with a fluffy blanket around them. “Why was I not good enough for her?” 

“It is not that you are not good enough for her.” He sighed, looking into the distance at the fireplace against the wall. “You are you, that is enough. You will make someone else happier. Much happier. They can fill you with the same love that you feel for them.” 

“I don’t want someone else. I want her, Hymwolk. I want Nymphaea.” She sobbed and sobbed, her breaths shuddering. 

“Just rest in my arms now.” He soothed, finding himself rocking her gently. Strong as she was, her situation reminded him all too well how small and fragile his student was. “In time you will understand.” 

She nodded, not fighting against the hugs, not fighting against his words. She was exhausted, both mentally and physically. She would listen to his words now. She would rest. Perhaps in the morning, the ache in her chest wouldn’t burn so painfully. Perhaps time could heal the wounds of her heart. But that was for later, that was for her to think of later. For now she would sleep until she felt numb.


	2. withered petals, why must you fall?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It may not be the love that she wants, but Altani discovers the love around her that she needs.

Months passed, and Altani felt like they were mere days. But those mere days she had evolved. Emotionally, she had gone through multiple stages. Denial and depression, anger and frustration, but soon she calmed and she felt nothing. Nothing at all, but a flicker in her chest when she thought of the Miqo’te. Hymwolk was not one to show emotion often, but he had shown such tenderness to her that she had felt herself healing with each kind word, each kind gesture, each night she would curl up in front of his fireplace listening to the man telling various stories to keep her mind occupied. 

And while her heart still ached, she still loved the Miqo’te and would let that flourish inside her, even if her feelings were not reciprocated. At one point, Nymphaea started soothing her in what felt like a romantic sense, but Altani didn’t let herself hope. The gentle touches on her back, rubbing small circles on her back, they were nothing more than that. She would respect Nymphaea’s boundaries in their friendship. Nymphaea would respect that sometimes, she couldn’t touch Altani because her heart felt too heavy with the guilt she felt towards the Au'ra. 

They worked in some sort of harmony, balancing between physical touches that were platonic, between getting closer, until soon it was as it was before. Minus the sex. But like everything in Altani’s life, that was only temporary. The sex started up once again but it was far different. Touches that once burned with passion were more deliberately planned, more mechanical in their movement. It was good. It was fine. But not the same. 

It was better than nothing. Altani couldn’t lie. She had missed release, considering she couldn’t bring herself to sleep with anyone else.

\--

She was off her game; she had been for quite some time. Altani insisted she was simply in a rut and needed time to get back to her former self. Hymwolk knew exactly the cause, the stem of her problems and could pinpoint exactly when she was thrown off her game. They trained together every two days, he was around her more than he was around anyone else. He knew, he could sense the problems within. 

“It’s fine! It’s nothing, I swear of it!” Altani growled as she dealt an earth shattering blow to the training dummy with her Greatsword. It glowed with Aether flowing through it, but her efforts were for nought as her attack was wasted and poorly executed. 

“Focus, Altani!” Hymwolk grumbled, grabbing his own Greatsword and demonstrating the specific attack she was practising. “Follow through with the movement, correct your stance and more force in your swing.” He explained, executing in example flawlessly. 

“Once more.” Altani grumbled, sweat dripping from her brow. The sword she wielded was far larger and heavier, something Hymwolk had given her to train with. He had believed her to be powerful enough for such a Greatsword, but he was beginning to backtrack on his words seeing the way Altani was struggling. 

“Very well. One more try. Focus and leave the troubles of your mind behind. Attack the dummy as if it were a true enemy, whatever thoughts you have a irrelevant if they were moments away from a fatal strike on you. Now attack.” He ordered, his voice fierce. 

Altani stepped forward, following each step she had practiced. She followed through with her motion. Her stance was wonky, but close enough to correct. More force, more force was needed for the earth shattering effect she had wanted. Stance broken, not enough force. Greatsword wavering, unable to sustain the weight of itself, not enough force to follow through the motion. A weak, pathetic excuse for an attack. 

“Enough, Altani. You’ll drain yourself of all your Aether before you manage to even correct your stance and hold it. Weight training for the rest of our session.” He barked, throwing aside his own training sword to grab the excessive weights. “Not a word from you of complaint, or I’ll have you scrubbing the Greatswords clean.” 

“Very well.” She replied, feeling a deep bitterness brewing within. “Weights it is.” She walked to the edge of the grounds to strap the weights to herself, preparing for the bland and unexciting routine of running whilst dodging Hymwolk throwing rocks at her. Dexterity and strength, he claimed. 

“You are off your game. You’re not focussed. You’re too in your head.” He spoke, his voice softer now as he rested a heavy hand on her shoulder. The weight felt intensified by the weights strapped to her body. 

“I’m not feeling it, Hym.” She shrugged his hand off her shoulder. 

“You’re thinking of Nymphaea. Stop it.” 

“You don’t know what I’m thinking about and you don’t know anything about what we’re going through.” Altani replied, fire in her eyes. Small as she was in comparison to Hymwolk, the energy she gave off was white hot. He could swear he felt the steam wafting from the top of her head as she gripped his shirt and pushed him backwards. “Let us begin this silly exercise before I grow too tired to entertain your games.” 

“Do not disrespect me so, child. I am your Master and I will not tolerate such disrespect. Whatever you’re feeling, I am not the one to take it out on.” He growled, grabbing his bag of rocks. “Start running.” 

He didn’t need to order her around. He was her Master, but he didn’t need to. She was running on her own. She almost didn’t care that he was ditching rocks at her, she didn’t care if the rocks hit her. She didn’t care about much at all anymore. So what if the rocks hit her? So what if it hurt, so what if she bled? She couldn’t care. Not when her heart hurt more than any wound on her flesh. 

They finished just before evening. Altani had crawled her way back from being pummelled with rocks, bruises and cuts covering her body. Hymwolk had sent for Lona to heal her up, feeling too much guilt at hurting his student to such a level. He knew it was only surface level, but he also knew the woman hadn’t been so great mentally as of late, and who knew what his actions could have done in regards to her mental state. He would have fixed her up himself if he knew how, and if he could bring himself to. But he was feeling frustration as well, he felt the disrespect she was giving and he couldn’t bring himself down from his own frustration. He could have called for Nymeia, but he knew the reaction the Elezen woman would have to finding Altani in such a state. Lona would be calmer anyway. Her presence always made people calm.

Lona kneeled across from the aching Au’ra, who was uncomfortably positioned on her long sofa. Most of the wounds that bled had scabbed over, but the drips of blood remained. Lona hadn’t made eye contact with her yet, not that she would’ve. She was fairly awkward and quiet. She preferred to simply blend in. One on one moments like this held a thick air of uncomfortable energy between them. She ran a cold, damp towel along her cuts, brushing away dirt from wounds. 

“Does this hurt?” Lona asked, dabbing at the scabbed over wound to clear away any stray clusters of dirt. 

Altani shook her head. “Barely feel it.” She lied, but it was better than having another person worrying over her. 

“Very well.” Lona replied, dabbing away and cleaning carefully. She could tell it hurt from the tensing in her muscles with each dabbing of the cloth. After she was cleaned to Lona’s satisfaction, she ran her hands along her wounds, glowing with Aether. She was devoured in the light that the older Au’ra gave off, her wounds mending together with the glue of Aether. Each cut from a stone, each bruise, faded away until all that was left were the tiniest indications that any wound existed at all. Her body still ached from the weight training, but that would pass with a hot bath and rest. Lona wasn’t done. She wasn’t the type to do the bare minimum. From her pocket, she pulled out a vial of crimson liquid, unstopping the cork stopper. 

“For your legs. So at least you can walk yourself around.” Lona explained. Altani pulled her training shorts up to expose more of her thighs. She spread her legs out down to her toes and Lona let a few generous drops fall upon her inky skin. “Rub it in. Let it sit for a bell or two before bathing. It will feel uncomfortable for a while. Leave it be.” 

Altani nodded silently, rubbing the strange crimson liquid into her skin. The crimson liquid happened to be an oil, which burned hot as she rubbed it in. After a while of uncomfortable heat, it cooled and she visibly relaxed. Lona nodded, impressed with her work and standing up from where she was kneeled in front of the injured Au’ra. She made her way to Altani’s kitchen, brewing some tea while Altani rearranged herself on the long sofa. 

She felt nothing. Inside, outside, everywhere. For months now, of being in such a fragile state with Nymphaea, of drifting between what almost felt like lovers and simple friendship, she felt nothing. She had become so numb to everything. Even Hymwolk’s pelting of rocks barely broke through the thick fog of nothingness. She lay on her sofa, gazing at her ceiling lamp, the sounds of Lona preparing tea distant in her mind. She only remembered her presence when she sat down on the floor beside her, placing a steaming cup of tea on her side table. 

“Drink. It’s a special brew.” She gestured, pointing to the cup. 

“Don’t want.” She replied flatly. 

“Don’t be stubborn. Drink up.” Lona replied sharply, and Altani sighed. She sat up and took the cup, taking in a sip of the boiling hot liquid. It burned as it went down, partially from the heat and the rest from the weird burn of the drink. 

“What did you put in this?” She asked, eyeing the woman suspiciously. 

“It’s a secret. It’s nothing bad. It’ll just help with the aches. The burning is the pinch of chilli I added.” Lona shrugged, taking a sip of her own cup casually. She appeared completely unaffected by the burn. “You seem down.” 

“I suppose.” Altani shrugged, taking another sip. While it burned, it actually tasted pretty good. 

“Would you like to talk about it?” Lona asked, her voice neither pressing nor disinterested. It was weirdly comforting: Altani had been so sick of Hymwolk who pressed her to talk and even diagnosed the situation on his own. It wasn’t that he was wrong, but Altani hated to have him worrying so much about her, and even coming to his own conclusions. She hated feeling like he was telling her how she was meant to feel and think. But Lona was giving her the option to talk about it: she was allowing her to respond, if she wanted, and talk about how she was feeling, how she wanted. 

It felt enlightening. 

“It’s a long story. Are you in for it?” Altani forewarned. 

“Yeah.” Her voice was calm and still. It settled her nerves.

“I really, truly love Nymphaea. But she doesn’t love me back. It seems… silly that I’m acting the way I am when really, I have no right to be this upset! Of course she doesn’t like me back. But for me to be reacting like this? To let myself fall into such darkness? To be afraid to let myself feel in case my heart is shattered once again? How pathetic must I be?” Altani began, her grip tightening on her cup. It was almost empty, so she downed the rest of it before continuing. 

“We still sleep together. We still hug, but we don’t kiss. No, she won’t allow it. Not after I told her my feelings for her. What’s so different between kissing and fucking? I can’t think of much, but I won’t question her logic. Almost everything is the same as it was before, but not. And each day it becomes more and more painful to watch her bring other women home, to smile and laugh with other women even platonically. Because I wish, I wish so badly that she smiled like that just for me. I wish she would hold me the way she used to.” She sighed, putting her cup aside and covered her face, pushing away inky black locks from her face. 

“It’s a constant reminder. Even if you’re close like you were before, nothing will ever come from it. It must hurt.” Lona placed a gentle hand upon her knee, squeezing softly. 

“That’s the thing that’s even worse - it hurt at first. But now I feel nothing! Sometimes I feel it, I feel it deep in my gut and in my chest but I push it away so quickly that I immediately go back to feeling nothing. Nothing in my head. Nothing in my heart. Just empty. Every time I push away the hurt, I push away any shred left of my heart until it’s so guarded, I can’t feel anything. I feel numb. I feel nothing. And the world around me that was so full of colours, full of a rainbow of colours, is nothing. It’s black and white. It’s static. It’s nothing.” Altani sighed, removing her hands from her face. She wasn’t crying. But her face looked as if she were about to cry any minute now. 

“You sound… depressed.” Lona replied, her voice full of concern. 

“Yeah I’m depressed. I’ve never felt this sad in my life.” Altani shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself. 

“Depressed as in, having depression, rather than experiencing the feeling of being depressed.” Lona corrected. 

Altani didn’t have a reply to that. But it made sense. She hadn’t thought, ‘hey, maybe something more is going on than just a case of the hearty hurty gone too far’. Lona took the two now-empty cups and brought them to the kitchen, rinsing them and then leaving them on the counter to dry. 

“Think it over. However, it’s getting late in the evening and I need to hurry off. I’ll send for Frey in the morning to make you a tonic, in case you’re still aching.” Lona walked over, giving Altani a tender and warm hug. She reciprocated without much awkwardness. It felt nice. “And please, forgive Hymwolk. It might seem like he’s being too much on you, but it’s because he cares. No one has been more worried about you these last few months than he.” 

“I’ll try.” She sighed, curling up once more on her sofa. She grabbed a blanket draped over the edge and wrapped herself up in it. She would ponder more on the events of this evening in the bath, for now she just wanted to stare off into nothingness, with her mind blank and her expressionless. 

\--

If Altani were honest, she didn’t know Frey very well. She would even stretch to say she didn’t know the woman at all, aside from being one of Hymwolk’s friends. She had spoken to her a few chance times, but rarely did their conversations extend beyond simple pleasantries and small talk. It seemed a surprise for both of them when they found themselves, early in the morning the day after the events with Lona, conversing freely and comfortably over a bowl of hot Popoto stew. 

“Gods, this is the most delicious thing I’ve ever put in my body.” Altani near moaned through a mouthful of stew. 

“Thank you, I think.” Frey laughed, a playful smile on her face. “I made it ‘specially for you. It’s my most famous dish. Save for bread, of course. Nothing beats my bread.” 

“I’m so honoured you made this just for me.” Altani broke off a piece of said bread, tender and soft, to dip in the stew. The juices dribbled down her chin as she shovelled it into her mouth. She hadn’t been eating properly lately and it showed. Her collarbones were more defined than they once were and underneath the thick robes she wore, her bones seemed to jut out painfully. A woman, once soft and squishy all around, had become so thin she was almost scary to look at. 

“I made a whole pot so you can eat it over the next few days.” She gave a dazzling smile and Altani felt so warm inside, and felt a feeling she hadn’t felt in a while. A feeling of… comfort? Like the warmth of the stew spread further than just her stomach, as if it spread through her chest and her face. 

“You’re a saint.” Altani complimented, eliciting a laugh from the Miqo’te. 

“In some universe, perhaps. Not this one. I just like to see my friends eating.” She gently wrapped her hand around Altani’s slender little wrist. “Especially friends who haven’t been eating much lately. Care to explain why you’ve failed to nourish your body to a satisfactory degree?” 

“I- what?” She placed her bread and spoon down, looking at Frey with surprise. “I’ve been eating-” One look from Frey was all she needed to back down from her hastily prepared rebuttal. Sharp eyes were staring at her with such fierceness she didn’t dare speak back, no matter how much her words threatened to spill. 

“I don’t mean to be so forceful. But I’d sooner force feed you than see you waste away to nothing. Please, talk to me, if you want.” She asked in a gentle tone. 

Altani pouted, not sure if she wanted to talk about it again. But she repeated herself, the same as yesterday. Something about the way Frey didn’t interrupt her but still responded, nodding and actively listening, made her feel so comforted. She seemed to be genuinely interested as well, not simply asking for the sake of asking. At one point, she stood and went to make some tea to help wash down the bread and stew, and she continued to listen and engage despite the distance between herself and Altani. She almost felt compelled to divulge more, exposing more and more of her heart to the woman who felt so much like a mother figure the more she spoke. 

“That’s it. I’m done.” Altani breathed, putting her head in her hands. “I’m all talked out.” 

“Thank you for sharing all of that with me.” Frey replied, plopping herself down across from Altani at her table. “I appreciate that you trusted to tell me all of that. You say Lona believes you are depressed as well?” 

“Experiencing depression, yeah.” Altani corrected in a similar, yet more punctual fashion than the Au’ra did the night before. 

“Well, if you would like, I’ve read up on a few potions that have shown to help with the emotions, or lack of emotions, you have. But would you like a small note of advice?” Frey asked casually. 

“Please.” 

“The potion will only get you so far. To feel complete, you need to work on accepting the way things are with you and Nymphaea. Love is a funny thing. We think the only love that exists is the love from a romantic partner, but no one thinks of the other love that surrounds us. The love of a best friend, of a parent, of a sibling. Of an animal companion. Love exists all around us.” 

Frey left sometime afterwards, sometime after their conversation had become humorous once again and she had administered a potion to help with the Au’ra’s aches and pains. Sometime after Altani felt a flicker of something in her chest; not a flicker of pain, not a flicker of what Nymphaea gave her, but a flicker of something much, much more potent. 

A flicker of hope. A tiny light. 

\--

Recovery went well. Altani only partially attributed it to Frey’s weekly visits with a potent potion of “head healing” as she called it. She only took it once a week, and while it was exceptionally potent in “head healing”, all it really did for her was give her the motivation to get out of bed, to do things like feed herself and bathe herself. The real healing came from the words Frey would hammer into her: romantic love is not all you need to feel content and satisfied.

Hymwolk noticed her change and after a length discussion with Nymeia, came to the realisation that he had been much too harsh on his pupil. He had been too pushy and in his attempt to make his student feel better, he had pushed her away. He worked on how he spoke to her and instead of forcing her to talk, would ask her questions instead that generated a conversation. Their communication improved and if anything, it brought the two of them closer together than they had ever been in their relationship as master and pupil. 

“Had enough of weight training, ‘Tani?” Hymwolk asked, tossing a rock Altani’s way, who dodged it with ease. They were doing their usual training in the grounds of the Yggdrasil estate. Nearby, Lona, Nymeia and Kieran were sat upon the archway beside the training ground chatting casually, ignoring the commotion the two were making.

“You know it. On to dummy training, Master?” She asked with a slightly teasing tone. She loved to taunt him by calling him Master, considering their relationship was so beyond the typical student and master relationship. They were more like friends who trained together sometimes, until Altani was put back in her place by the way Hymwolk would crush her in sparring. 

“Of course!” Hymwolk roared with delight, dragging the Au’ra over to the training dummy. She was about to reach for her lightweight and average sized Greatsword when Hymwolk stopped her. “Nope. Not that one.” 

Altani looked at him with a mildly disgruntled look. “Eh? What one, then?” Hymwolk pointed to the sword shed, gesturing to the dormant Greatsword she had once tried to wield and failed. She gasped, her eyes widening. “What? Truly?” 

“You’ve made fantastic progress in your strength and control of Aether. On top of that, you seem to be in better spirits. I think it’s time.” He walked her over, grabbing the sword that was just nearly too big for the Au’ra and handing it to her delicately. 

“I won’t let you down.” She replied with determination. “Not again!” 

“You never let me down. But I am looking forward to seeing you swing that bad boy around.” Hymwolk set the training dummy up for Altani then gestured for her to begin. “You have practiced this before with a much smaller Greatsword. Show me what you have learnt.” 

The weights with the addition of the Greatsword were just nearly too much for her. But she wiped her brow and dampened her lips - she would not fail. She could do this. She left her mind, her troubles of the world behind her as she took stance. A flawless stance, rock solid. Indestructible. She followed through with her motion, using all of her might to swing the weapon towards the training dummy. 

Follow through. Put force into the motion. Channel your Aether, let the Greatsword glow as it fills with pure, raw power. Swing, deliver the earth-shattering blow to rupture the very fibres of the training dummy. Let the world hear the power in your force as you land a catastrophic blow upon the dummy. She swung.

Obliterated. All that was left remaining was the post that held the dummy up. Splintered and shattered by the sheer force of such an attack. Silence fell upon the training grounds. Altani dropped the Greatsword, staring at what was once a training dummy beyond her skill level. Silence.

All of a sudden, Altani was swept up in a bone-crushing hug, her feet leaving the ground. Someone had gripped around her middle, another her lower legs, another around both her and Hymwolk. Screaming, screams of joy, cheering and congratulations. She had done it; she had executed the attack she had spent so long struggling to learn. Lona, Nymeia and Kieran had seen, had watched the way she had overcome the struggles thrown at her and come to join her celebration. The group stood together, screaming with joy and cheers and Altani felt the world around her fill with colour once more. 

A world that had been so cruel to her, so cold, filled with black and white and static. A world she felt she couldn’t live in anymore, not when the sun that warmed her skin had denied her such pleasantries. But executing an attack she had spent so long mastering, working tirelessly to overcome each difficulty that held her back, she felt that she had overcome much more than simply the challenges of learning a new attack. She had felt as if she had overcome the painful burden of the nothingness she felt in her. And she felt that maybe, just maybe, it would be okay to allow her heart to open once more. 

Uprooted, but the love that surrounded her far outweighed the pain of roots bare. Drying the tangled weaves of her core, the sun drying her petals. Not anymore, for the friends around her filled her with nourishment. What was loneliness when those around her never let her feel truly lonely? Alone but never lonely. Sparse of romantic love, but bountiful in platonic love. Where was room for despair and heart ache when those around her found fit to fill her to the brim with every ounce of love they could spare?

Maybe it would be okay to let love flow into her, when she was being embraced and congratulated by people who filled her with more love and support than she could have ever imagined. 

Maybe it would be okay to let herself feel, if it meant she could see the world in colour more vibrantly than she had ever seen before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the timeline might be confusing, but the events of this chapter and the chapter before some time before thorns in her heart. the next chapter will take place at the time of the events in thorns in her heart. ^^ lyse makes an appearance so look forward to how the poor bean altani deals with that HAH. you'll also get a few behind the scenes of what was happening while lyse was having her little crisis.
> 
> side note, i have to quote frey's human here: "Frey the humble baker. Punches people and bread..." (i adore her so much)


	3. you've come so far, little sunflower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Altani relapses, she finds a friend in someone she had never considered. Things simply fall into place afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for some vague and non explicit inky pinky towards the beginning

Objectively speaking, Altani found her extremely attractive. Objectively speaking. But she would never, ever tell a soul that. Especially not the blue-and-pink haired Miqo’te who came skipping over to their little site set up on the beach with the stunning, ungodly attractive blonde walking beside her. The woman named Lyse, who she had heard so many tales of, Nymphaea’s partner for the evening. 

She didn't quite remember the rest of the night after the chicken fight. Altani’s evening was two parts heavy alcohol, one part spiralling into the darkness that lurked within; the darkness she had believed to have overcome, which she believed herself stronger than. But who could resist the temptations of nothingness - a world in which no pain, no suffering, no heartbreak, no jealousy, no anger existed? All that existed there was numbness. She spent her evening looking down the neck of a bottle and avoiding the soft purple eyes she wished didn’t sparkle so magnificently when looking at Lyse. She spent her evening avoiding Nymphaea’s face, glowing and illuminated with sheer joy. She tried to ignore the way Nymphaea smiled, looking happier than she had ever been since a different time. A better time. 

A time when Minfilia was still around. 

She drank until she felt nothing. She drank until the only burn she felt was in her cheeks, on her face, in her throat, in her stomach as the alcohol burned her insides. She drank until the darkness that swelled inside of her oozed from her pores and slowly devoured her, suffocating her, enveloping her in the all too familiar sensation of nothingness. The drinking competition was well over, but it mattered not to her. She was laying in someone’s lap, presumably Nymphaea's, but she didn’t care to open her eyes and look. She didn’t care to open her ears and listen. Even if it were Nymphaea, perhaps the Miqo’te was more interested in the Hyur and wished she were Lyse instead. The thought burned and she took another swig. She let the darkness cloud her mind, her head, her heart. 

She'll break, she thought. It’s not worth it to fight. 

\--

Of course, all she had remembered from the night before was Lyse and Nymphaea. Their sweet exchanges. Those smiles. Their touches. Their whispers. Their fluidity in teamwork. She remembered them and she wished she didn’t. How she had ended up in Nymphaea’s private chambers, dressed in Nymphaea’s clothes, sleeping on Nymphaea’s side of the bedroll, wrapped in Nymphaea’s favourite blanket, she didn’t remember, but the answer was obvious. She pitied her useless self. 

Frey had come to help her feel better. Beautiful Frey. Wonderful Frey. A mother to her when she needed; who force fed her potion after potion and sat her blurred self down at the table and shoved food in front of her. Frey’s warm, fluffy signature bread. 

“You drank a lot, didn’t you?” Frey asked, her sharp eyes looking over at the Au’ra as she sipped her mug of tea. 

“A bit.” She mumbled, shrugging casually as she tore into the crusty bread roll. 

“Nymeia says you had four bottles of Ygg’s brew. That’s more than even Hymwolk can handle.” Frey questioned her with a sharp tone, clearly judging her decisions last night. “Are you feeling okay? Not just physically, as the potions should be helping, but you know. Emotionally.” 

“I think I’m spiralling. Why isn’t the head healing potion working anymore? Why aren’t I happy?” She asked, a small pout across her lips. She didn’t feel quite as awful as she did last night in the presence of Lyse and Nymphaea, but she still feel awful. 

“The potion doesn’t make you happy, Altani. That’s not what it’s for. It’s there to give you energy to do things. It’s a bit of an extra push to get you out of bed. It doesn’t make you happy. You make you happy.” Frey explained. She pushed the butter to Altani, encouraging her to spread it over the bread before she ate it. It would act as a buffer between rolls so Altani wouldn’t gorge herself and throw up everywhere. 

“Where’s Nymphaea? Who else was here last night? I saw an extra bedroll on the ground.” Altani asked with mild suspicion in her tone. 

“That blonde woman, I think her name is Lyse? I can’t quite remember, I was too busy trying to wrestle you out of bed. The two of them both had to head off for some duties with the Scions.” 

Ah, of course. They would have finished late. Lyse wouldn’t have gone back to wherever it was that she stayed so late. Nymphaea wouldn’t have allowed it. She didn’t respond, only stared blankly at the roll before shoving it in her mouth whole. She couldn’t contain her feeling of bitterness. She couldn’t ignore the mild jealousy she felt. It hurt. Soon after finishing her meal with Frey, the two left and Altani headed for Hymwolk’s. She wanted training. She wanted a distraction. 

\--

Nymphaea was silent, avoiding all contact through linkshell. She didn’t come back to her chambers that night. Altani was convinced that was it; Lyse had swept Nymphaea up off her feet and the two had run away, eloped and raised a family of cute half-Miqo half-Hyur babies in the wilds of Gridania. However that would happen, considering they were both female. Adoption? Perhaps they adopted some cats as well, considering how fond the Miqo'te was of the furry creatures.

“Oh, you’re here?” Nymphaea asked as she opened her chamber door to find Altani sprawled out across her sofa, dramatically wailing into a plush Moogle. 

Altani dropped the toy and almost fell off the sofa. It wasn’t even morning, dawn had barely broken, yet Nymphaea was home. She had worried for nothing. All of that energy wasted on worrying when the mess of a Miqo’te was fine, and had not eloped. “I let myself in last night.” She spoke, a hint of frustration in her tone at being questioned. She always did this, almost every night. Why did Nymphaea feel to question her only now?

“Were you wanting to cuddle?” She asked, kicking her boots off at the door and removing most of her clothes, walking over to the Au’ra with her red button up unbuttoned and her baggy brown pants removed. It was a casual gesture, a sign of comfort between the two women, but Altani’s tongue darted out to wet her lips as she eyed up the Miqo’te and her milky legs that sent her wild. 

“C-cuddle, yeah. I missed you.” She mumbled sheepishly, tearing her eyes away from the expanse of white to meet her eyes. A big mistake, the Miqo’te’s eyes flashed with a hint of mischievous delight. 

“I presume more than simple cuddling was on your mind?” Nymphaea asked, leaning over to kiss Altani on the neck. She shuddered with delight; with all the emotions running through her, she felt as if it wasn’t right to make love. But Gods, she couldn’t resist when Nymphaea’s lips sparked such magic inside of her. 

Their tumbling lead them to the bedroom. Altani’s frustrations were unleashed in bouts of pleasure enticing acts, taking the lead and unveiling her emotions with her actions. If Nymphaea hadn’t read her mildly disapproving mood earlier, she would have now with the way Altani behaved. After they had finished, they lay facing each other, heads cradled by soft pillows, hair sticking to sweaty faces. 

“Would you like to talk about it?” Nymphaea asked, breathing heavily. Her eyes were lidded and heavy, but she knew the Miqo’te had enough stamina to hold a heavy conversation even long after release. 

“What is there to talk about?” Altani replied bluntly, a small sliver of bitterness in her tone. 

Nymphaea shrugged her shoulder forward, exposing the glistening red from fresh scratches. “Ah, and this was a simple test of kinks, I suppose?” 

“Fine.” Altani near growled in response, closing her eyes in frustration. “Perhaps I am upset with you.” 

Nymphaea let out a shaky sigh, reaching over to gently caress Altani’s scale-clad arm. “Please continue.” 

“Where were you last night?” 

“The Rising Stones.” 

“Why didn’t you come back?” 

“I finished my mission late. I came back and had dinner with the girls. It was late. I was lazy to teleport.” 

“And linkshell?” 

“Lazy.” 

Altani wanted to kick the woman, but she would never be able to bring herself to do such a thing. “I’m disappointed.” 

Nymphaea rolled her eyes, sitting up from bed and brushing hair from her face. “Thank you. Any other over protective questions you’d love to throw at me?” 

“Were you with Lyse last night?” Altani asked, venom in her words. Perhaps sharper than she had intended. Her jealousy could not be contained at this point. 

Nymphaea’s head snapped over to look at her. She was not one to be made angry, but something about the way she folded her arms over her chest and stared at her with none of her usual warmth made Altani believe that she was soon to be witnessing such a rare sight. “What business do you have knowing such details?” 

“Complete truth and honesty. Keeping communication open between us. Was that not what we had arranged when we decided to sleep together once more?” Altani replied without a flicker of emotion in her voice. “Keep your secrets, it matters not to me.” 

Nymphaea let out a sigh, running her hand along her face. “I was with Lyse last night. Sometime after dinner.” 

“Did you sleep together?” She asked. 

“Yes. I slept with her during the night.” Nymphaea didn’t look at Altani, avoiding her prying eyes. 

“And you touched? You fucked?” Altani spat, feeling burning shame in her chest. She had slept with a woman perhaps bells after she had been with another woman. She felt disgusted. 

Nymphaea was not having any of Altani’s bitterness. “You believe me to be a simple whore, who fucks any woman who passes by? You believe me to be so simple, to spread my legs for any pretty woman who enters my life? Yes, I do sleep around, but never do I do so with such a disregard for their existence as a living, breathing woman.” She raised her voice, grabbing a sheet and wrapping it around herself as she stood and towered over Altani, who was now sitting up to watch her, fire in her eyes. 

“Is that not what you do?” Altani asked, rolling her eyes. “Is Lyse not simply another woman you’ve conquered?” 

“You think so lowly of a woman you’ve barely met! You, drunk for the entirety of the time you had known her, think of her to be a simple slut? A woman I’ve conquered. You are unbelievable! How dare you speak so ill of someone so dear to me!” Nymphaea was burning with frustration, with anger, tears leaking from her eyes. “What has gotten into you, Altani? We were doing so well, and now you wish to degrade me and a colleague from work. You wish to belittle the relationship I have with her.” 

“Relationship?” Altani raised an eyebrow, tears pricking her own eyes. 

Nymphaea was slipping into a tight cropped top, a flowery overshirt and tight bottoms as she shook her head. “You believe yourself to be the only one I am intimate with. The only one I am allowed to look at, to hug, to kiss, to have sex with. You are delusional and having sex with you this morning was a mistake. Lyse is nothing more than a close friend. We didn’t fuck, we cuddled because I had flashbacks and nightmares of watching the woman I love run into a tunnel and not return. I slept in her bed, in her arms, because my heart craved the comfort of another being for just one night. And yet I am interrogated and belittled.” She wrapped her overshirt around her, refusing to look at Altani. “Clean yourself up and be off. I don’t want you in my chambers when I return. I’m going for a walk.” 

The sounds that followed sunk in along with the bite of Nymphaea's order. Steps that felt as if they went on for years. A door opening and quickly closing behind her. Silence. 

Altani messed up. 

\--

After all she had done, she couldn’t bring herself to face anyone in Yggdrasil. She had disrespected Nymphaea and felt so ashamed of herself. She paced her quarters, bare and devoid of much furniture. After all, she spent more time in Nymphaea’s quarters: her own quarter’s were nothing more than a glorified storage shed for her armour and collection of weapons. 

And Nymphaea’s. In the corner were some of Nymphaea’s things. An old staff she never used anymore, a hanger with silk battle robes, her old and oversized hats she wore when she was still a little conjurer. Nymphaea was all around the room and remembering the cruelty Altani had spat in the face of the one with whom held her heart was as if twisting a burning rod into her stomach. The only thing that indicated that the room was more than simply storage was the small cot in the corner. It was tiny and barely fit her, pushed against the wall, covered in an itchy spread that smelled of sweat and other bodily substances that Altani didn’t want to think about. She bumped into things, knocking them over, opting to sit down with her back against the door. 

Perhaps it was time for her to leave. To go somewhere else, to go somewhere in which she won’t be able to hurt anyone again. She won’t fall in love and have her heart broken. She won’t have anyone around to feel jealous of. She won’t have anyone to take her anger out on. Before she could even deliberate on her options, she had stood and began packing a small bag. A set of training clothes. A journal, an ink bottle, a feather quill. A map. A book of travels. The half empty head-healing potion. A roll of bread she couldn’t answer how long had been in this musty room for. And she left. 

She couldn’t bring herself to say goodbye. Not to Hymwolk, her Master. Not to Lona, who was forever kind to her. Not to Frey, who was everything and a mother to her. Not to Nymeia and Kieran, who always supported her and encouraged her. Not to anyone in the Free Company who she had come to know and love as friends. She was too ashamed, too hurt, too driven by the pain inside of her. She would leave, and who knows when she would come back. 

But as she stepped through the archway and was about to walk down the pathway to the docks, a loud thud was heard behind her as someone, a very large someone, dropped down behind her. “Hey, Altani.” 

Not the person she wished to hear right now. Part of her wanted to run to the dock and teleport away, to scream and run away as far as she could. Even teleport right then and there on the spot. But all of her refused to turn around and face the one who had caught her sneaking away. “Hello, Hymwolk.” 

“Heard a bit of shouting from Phae’s room earlier.” He commented casually. She could hear the judgement in his tone. She wanted to sink into the earth and be devoured by Hydaelyn. “Wanna talk about it?” 

“No.” Altani replied sharply. She clenched her fist. 

“Very well. Where are you headed? We have training later this evening.” He continued.

“Out.” 

“For how long?” 

“Not sure.” 

“Look at me.” 

“No.” 

“Altani.” His voice was stern, forceful. She could hear the frustration in his tone. He was getting angry. She turned, hesitating before she looked up at the man. His face was surprisingly calm, only his tone indicating the forcefulness of the situation. “Are you running away?” 

She blinked, a blank expression on her face. Yes, she was, but did she want to admit that directly to Hymwolk, knowing that she may very well break? She already felt a stabbing, stinging sensation in her stomach with the sheer guilt of being caught. She already felt the burn in her face, the tears threatening to fall. “I’m going back to Dravania to train among the dragons.” 

Hymwolk sighed. “How long were you intending to leave for? Were you going to tell any of us?” He asked, taking a step towards Altani. His voice was gentle, reminiscent of all those nights he spent comforting the crying and overwhelmed Altani. 

The guilt was overwhelming. She was so selfish. So self centred. Wanting to leave without saying goodbye to the man who had been there for her through everything. “A while. I guess until everyone forgets about me. Until my heart stops hurting. I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you would all stop me.” 

Hymwolk was overwhelmed with emotion at that moment, a few tears spilling from his eyes. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Altani, clinging to her with overpowering force. “Altani. I’m not angry. I’m not mad. I’m disappointed. I am hurt. But moreso, I am worried.” He spoke, his voice shaking. “Please. I won’t stop you. I won’t say anything. But please, do not leave.” 

The man’s reaction was far different to what she was expecting. She expected him to yell and shout, forcibly grab her by the leg and drag her back in and demand she do 100 pushups for even thinking of such a heinous idea. But he broke down into tears. His breaths shaking. His grip on her tight. The guilt was tenfold. “B-but…” 

“I know I have failed you. As a Master and a friend. But please, do not go. To me, you are like a daughter, and to see you leave. To wish to never come back. Please, I will never forget you, nor anyone else. The pain of you running away... I can't bear to imagine. Please don’t leave.” He spoke in almost a weak, vulnerable voice. 

She had never seen the man cry. Not once in all the years she had known him. He was dead serious in every last word that he spoke. She hugged him back. “I… I won’t go.” 

He hugged her tighter. He wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his glacial coat and calmed himself. “I’m sorry you had to see that. Come to my chambers and we will talk. About whatever you want to talk about: whatever is bothering you, whatever reason you wish to run away, or even a topic of your choosing as a distraction.” He had composed himself enough to return to his usual deep and rough voice. She didn’t decline. She simply followed him. 

\--

The rest of her day was a blur. Hymwolk was supportive, yet stern with his advice and comforting. He was disappointed in her, as expected, but he didn’t despise her. He wasn’t even angry. But he implored her one thing: fix things with Nymphaea, make things right before she makes any life-altering decisions. If she still wished to train with the dragons after all was well between the two, then he would make no complaints and let her leave as she wished. 

She woke up at the crack of dawn to the sound of Hymwolk doing his morning stretches. She had settled on his oversized armchair in front of the fireplace, drifting to sleep somewhere around midnight. Hymwolk had taken up the area behind her by doing lunges and stretches, making the most horrific groaning sounds as he popped his joints and let his body loosen up. 

“Morning, Altani!” He roared with cheer in his voice. Altani groaned, burying her face in her arm with the intent of blocking out the morning sun and the morning energy of the Roegadyn man. 

It was useless. He grabbed her by the back of her shirt, bringing Altani to her feet. “Hymwolk.” She whined, rubbing her eyes and shoving her thick bangs from her face. “I want to sleep.” 

“Bottoms up!” He shoved a potion in her hand and clapped with delight. She chugged the entire thing, shoving the empty bottle back into his hand and rubbing her eyes. “Breakfast, and then we’re going downstairs. Got a nice little call over linkshell this morning.” 

“Whatever.” She mumbled grumpily, grabbing her bag from the floor. However, she couldn’t be saved from Hymwolk’s boundless energy. Soon she was swept up into his morning routine of stretches, pure raw protein and then 50 pushups. 

As much as she wanted to protest, she didn’t. Even when guzzling raw egg whites and shovelling slices of unseasoned steamed dodo into her mouth. Even as Hymwolk decided to play a prank on Altani by resting his arm on her back while she did her pushups. She was fired up with energy by the time the two made their way downstairs. Now she saw why Hymwolk was so excited. 

Sitting down on one of the elegant sofas was Ruuna and Gaius, as well as Nymphaea and Lyse on the sofa adjacent. Hymwolk greeted them with a roar of excitement and energetic chatter but Altani had no such reaction. She felt her heart in her throat as she looked at Nymphaea, and Lyse who she had felt guilty for degrading the morning before. She expected cold, hard glares and whispered anger. 

But Nymphaea smiled softly. She greeted her with warm eyes. Her face indicated no hostility. 

While Hymwolk began roughhousing with Gaius and Ruuna screamed about not ruining his new pants that she had just sewn, Altani tentatively stepped towards the two women at the end of the couch. Within seconds, Nymphaea was on her feet, lunging at the Au’ra and wrapping her skinny noodle arms around her neck. Her feet even left the ground as she wrapped her legs around her middle. 

“I’ve been so insensitive to your emotions. I was so mean to you. I should have known you would worry and be jealous. I didn’t think and just did things without caring about how you would feel. I’m the worst friend ever!” Nymphaea wailed. Lyse looked on in horror and Altani was frozen in shock. 

She clung to her, rubbing her back in soothing circles. “You don’t need to apologise for mine own intolerance. I too have said things I regret, many many things I regret, in which I can never forgive myself for. I spoke ill of the both of you, and even Lyse who has done nought but be your friend.” 

Sensing the situation, Hymwolk placed Gaius back down on his own two feet and gestured for the Lalafell and his Au’ra bonded to follow him to the estate training grounds, where they could play more freely without disturbing the girls having a moment. 

“We always, always tell each other everything!” Nymphaea cried out, releasing herself from Altani and landing on her feet as she jumped down. She held onto her hands, pouting gently. “Each shenanigan, each woman I had slept with. Before it would happen. I didn’t choose my words carefully and lead you to believe that I had sex with a woman without… without talking to you first.”

“Your body is your own. That is a fact of life I must accept. Regardless of my feelings towards you, I do not own you. You should be free to do what you please with your body, with whoever you wish to do it with.” Altani smiled through the pain, feeling her heart breaking and shattering. 

“I just want you to know…” Nymphaea sighed, turning to look at Lyse. She held a hand out and the Hyur woman stepped forward to give it a light squeeze. “There’s nothing more to Lyse and I than colleagues and friends. I don’t have the same luxury of companionship at night that I used to when residing in the Rising Stones… Nor the comfort I have of cuddling you at night while I’m here. When my bed is empty, it becomes all too real. If it’s okay with you… may I continue to cuddle with Lyse when residing in the Rising Stones at night?” 

“Y-you’re asking my permission-” 

“Yes!” Nymphaea cried out, grasping Altani’s hand tight with both of her hands. “Because your comfort, your happiness… It’s important to me too! I don’t like to hurt you or make you feel sad because of me! Even if I can’t give you the love you desire, I still wish to make you happy however I feel comfortable!” She rambled and Altani pulled her forward, hugging her close. 

Her eyes flicked over to Lyse, who looked uncomfortable as ever and she quickly released the Miqo’te. “I appreciate the concern… and I wish for you to know that… Whatever puts your heart at ease, I will bear through. You do not need my permission, but know that you have my approval to cuddle together, if it means you do not feel so alone.” 

Nymphaea jumped with joy and Altani beamed a sweet smile at her. Nothing felt more heart warming to her than seeing her friend smiling and happy. Knowing that she was the cause of making her so smiley made her feel as if she would be okay. Nymphaea calmed herself and wrapped an arm around Lyse’s shoulders. 

“Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way. I figured to ease up the hostility between you two, I’d set you up on an adventure together!” Nymphaea smiled, reaching her eyes with the most bright eye smiles Altani had ever witnessed. 

Lyse and Altani did not have the same reaction as the Miqo'te. Altani’s jaw dropped and at the same time, both she and Lyse let out a scream of “Wait, what?!” 

Nymphaea giggled mischievously. “You see. You, Altani, feel restless because you think Lyse is going to take your place. You, Lyse, feel uncomfortable because you don’t know much about Altani but you wish to reassure her and become friends. Besides, it will be so much more fun if the three of us can spend time together as a trio of good friends!” 

The two women were silent, staring at Nymphaea. Then, Lyse burst into laughter, tears pricking her eyes. “You devious little kitty! I like it. Say, how about we go sparring, Altani? I hear you’re a magnificent Dark Knight.” 

Altani’s eyes twinkled with delight. The opportunity to spar with Lyse and perhaps become friendly? “Let’s do it.” 

“Off you go! Head to the training grounds. I have some tiny pants to continue sewing as well as a few errands.” Nymphaea shot double finger guns at the women before dashing away out of sight. 

“You little!” Altani cried out, cursing at the woman who had left her alone with Lyse, who she knew little about. 

Lyse didn’t seem to mind so much. “Let’s go, Altani! Show me what you’ve got!” 

When the two had arrived, Hymwolk, Ruuna and Gaius had already left for somewhere else. Upon the archway entering the estate sat a Lalafell she knew as Ange, who had his knees to his chest as he looked out across the sea. He seemed lonely, or perhaps simply waiting for someone. 

Altani turned to Lyse with a small frown, unsure of their arrangement. “So… you’re a… pugilist, right?” She asked, bringing a hand to her chin. “Isn’t that a little unfair then? I’ll be using my greatsword and you just your fists…” 

“Wanna learn to be a pugilist too, then?” Lyse asked, jumping with delight at the idea. “You’ve got the build for it - small and dexterous. But are you strong?” 

Altani shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess?” She thought on the proposition for a while. It was definitely enjoyable being a Dark Knight and she did love her sword a great deal. But training to be a pugilist seemed a little exciting. She could perhaps learn some new skills, learn some things other than how to swing a sword larger and broader than herself. “Let’s do this. How do I start?” 

Lyse launched into action, stripping away her excess clothing to get ready to train. She jumped into her fighting stance, fighting bare fists to first show Altani the correct stance. They took to rotating through stances and footwork as well as dancing around each other with a test of her dexterity. Lyse was pleasantly surprised: Altani was extremely flexible, light on her feet and very loose in her stance. She picked it up easily, as if she was made for this. But the softness of her made her wonder on the strength she possessed, and she pondered upon how well the woman could punch. 

“You’ve got your footwork down. Show me what you’ve got in regards to punches.” She demonstrated the correct method in which to punch before jumping back into her light footed stance. “Punch me, as hard as you can. Follow the motion I showed to you.” 

“I- what? You want me to punch you?” Altani asked with her eyes wide, almost popping out of her sockets. “Actually punch you?” 

Lyse dropped her stance. “Yeah? I can take it, I’ve been a pugilist for a long time! Show me what you’ve got.” 

Altani hesitated. She didn’t know whether she could do it: she didn’t want to punch Lyse. But she seemed to be having such a great time and looked so excited. She rolled her shoulders and jumped into position the same as Lyse. She cracked her knuckles before she lunged forward, landing a hard blow against Lyse’s stomach. 

Neither of the two women were expecting Lyse to go flying backwards with extreme force, blasted back so far she hit the roof of the archway and near knocked Ange from his meditative pose. Lyse had the absolute wind knocked out of her and Altani ran over screaming. 

“I’m sorry Lyse, I’m so so sorry!” She cried out, picking up the woman who had landed on the ground with a thud and holding her gently. “Gods, Lyse, I didn’t expect you to go flying back so far?!” 

Lyse looked at Altani as if she had just murdered a newborn Coeurl pup, sheer horror across her face as she gasped for air that had so suddenly left her lungs. She was unharmed for the most part, save her ego which had taken the greatest hit. “Altani!” She gasped, her eyes burning with the lack of oxygen. “You didn’t tell me you were so strong!” 

Ange’s tiny head popped over the edge of the archway roof, peering down at the two women. “Her Master is Hymwolk. Every two days he makes her run laps of the estate wearing 15kg weights on her arms and legs.” 

“And you didn’t think to tell me of such strength?! Saying you “guess” you’re strong? Altani, you knocked me right off my feet and sent me flying through the air!” Lyse covered her face in horror, still held in Altani’s arms. The little Au’ra woman was holding onto Lyse still, clutched in her muscular arms, holding her as if she weighed nothing at all. It was almost like a mockery to Lyse. 

“I mean… compared to Hymwolk, I’m not even that strong…” She mumbled, a frown upon her face. “Now thinking… he is a very large Roegadyn. I should have warned you… Sorry.” She tightened her grip on Lyse in a weird hug before letting her back down on the ground gently. 

“Altani, do you know what this means?!” The Hyur cried out, jumping with sheer joy. She almost gave Altani whiplash with how fast she jumped from one emotion to another. 

“Uhh… I can punch well?” 

“I can make you into the best pugilist ever!” Lyse cheered with excitement, throwing herself at Altani and wrapping her arms around her neck in a tight hug. “Let’s get going!” She punched her hand in excitement, dragging Altani back to the middle of the training grounds to start their lesson once again. 

Altani regretted being so bitter towards Lyse at the start. She understood why Nymphaea was so fond of the woman. It was hard not to when minutes after the life was knocked out of her she had jumped to her feet and insisted on continuing. It was so endearing. 

After a few bells, Nymphaea returned with armfuls of fresh produce from a nearby market. Lyse and Altani had flopped out across the ground, panting and sweaty. They were exhausted from their training and were taking a minute to catch their breath before launching back up to begin roughhousing. By the time Nymphaea had walked through the archway, Altani had Lyse in a headlock while Lyse desperately tried to grab her leg and flip her over. They collapsed into a puddle of tired muscles and sweaty bodies, finding it hard to breathe from their shouted taunts and breathy laughter.

“You two look like you’ve had fun.” Nymphaea smiled as she pulled two oranges out from her basket of produce, tossing one to each woman. “Effective bonding time, I take it?” 

The two women ripped their oranges apart, sinking their teeth into the soft flesh with ravenous hunger and discarding the skin into the garden bed. Nymphaea walked over to give each of them a hand up and dust off her two friends of all the sand they had accumulated. The two seemed to be far closer now and it warmed Nymphaea’s heart, knowing two women who were so important to her were getting along now.

“Lyse, we’re heading beyond the wall to Gyr Abania soon. We’ve been requested back at the Rising Stones to prepare.” Nymphaea smiled. She handed her shopping to Altani. “Dear, can you bring these up to my chambers? I’m not sure when I’ll be back, but can you take care of my chambers while I’m gone?” 

“Y-you’re okay with me… going back there?” She asked, remembering Nymphaea’s harsh words from earlier. 

“Of course I’m okay with it. What good are my chambers without the warmth you bring to it?” She grinned from ear to ear and Altani had to resist the urge to squash her in a hug, in case she crushed the bananas between them. 

“Well, then I wish you well in Gyr Abania. Come back in one piece.” Altani smiled. Nymphaea leaned over and kissed her cheek gently. Altani’s face flushed bright red, her cheeks burning and warmth blossoming in her chest. 

“And I wish you well back home. Remember to eat well, bathe regularly, don’t skip your potions and don’t skip training. Got it?” Nymphaea spoke with such soft sweetness in her voice. 

“Yes, mother.” Altani teased. 

“And whenever I come back here, I’ll be sure to give you another training session as well! You’ll be the best pugilist ever - well, second to me at least!” She teased, cracking her knuckles intimidatingly. She reached over and punched Altani’s shoulder affectionately. 

“Yes, ma’am!” Altani replied. The three said their goodbyes and Altani turned to retreat to Nymphaea’s chambers, while Nymphaea and Lyse departed for Mor Dhona. 

She would miss Nymphaea. But at least she had the kiss to keep her going until she saw those beautiful purple eyes once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's done y'all 
> 
> i hope u enjoyed this lil spinoff series! thanks to henry for 1. letting me take his character and turn her into whatever this is, 2. being so supportive of me writing this despite the fact that i'm essentially ruining our characters' relationship and 3. giving me so many ideas for this thing 
> 
> and shout out to the ygg members who were chill with me writing their characters. i love all of u and ur characters, they were so much fun to implement in, even if i didn't feel as if i capture them in true accuracy! nd thanks to all the people that read this mess of a fic~


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